It’s that day of the year. The day that marks me getting older again. Showing me, that my life isn’t endless and that another year has passed. Every now and then and always around my birthday I start reflecting on my life and relive moments of the past year. My birthday, nothing I really celebrate, nothing I find that important and still something which always gets me. When I turned 23 a few years ago it marked the first time I realized that I’m getting older. Not by all means in a bad way, but still a little moment where I realized that the rest of my life just started.

This brings me to now, 4 years later, where this moment happens again. And I think to myself “what has happened since then?” – Well, where should I even begin. A lot has happened in all these year and as I already addressed last time I’m quite proud of what I did with my life.

my birthday

The past year

Thinking about the last year, there definitely have been a lot of ups and I’m so happy in the way everything is turning into a future I’m really looking forward to live. Still, there are always these moments where I realize, that I’m not 17 anymore and that life’s serious. I’m not here to play, I’m here to live! I want to achieve my goals, I want to see places in the world – as many as possible. I want to be happy. And yes, this year definitely provided a lot so far and still, there are moments where I’m by myself and just want to cry, out of nowhere. Because there is reality which shows me, that life isn’t quite as easy a lot of times.

my birthday

When everything is a rollercoaster

I have these moments of anxiety when I think about the future. In a few months I will finish my master and suddenly everything will change again and I always feel I’m not prepared. There are all these thought about the future. What’s my purpose? Where’s my happy place? And if I’m in my happy place, is it a place that can earn my bread and butter?

As I said, I’m not 17 anymore and life hits me hard sometimes. 

my birthday

But with all this bad thoughts there are always people that keep me seeing the good

This past year again showed me, how lucky I am to have my family and friends which I consider family as well. I stepped out of my comfort zone again and started doing workshops and coachings for makeup, just because they believe in me. I’m also finally proud of my blog and youtube channel and the content I put out every week besides my job and uni life. I’m not only self employed, but also study full time. I work on a lot of film sets and commercials, I live the life I always wanted. Yes, it’s definitely more than the average full time job I do on a weekly, but I love what I do and most of it, I don’t consider work. Because it’s my dream I’m casing.

And besides all this business

I have the best person on my side, always reminding me how beautiful I am, when I’m down and don’t feel enough. Showing me he loves me and is proud of what I do and always stands by my side and supports my decisions. A person I’m happy to call my rock and partner. I have never met someone which thinks so positive and also endorsed me with his positivity (at least most of the time). Everyone who knows me, I can be a little negative, or as I call it, realistic sometimes.

So let the rest of my life go on

All of this makes me realize every time, that the rest of my life which suddenly started on my 23 birthday four years ago turns out to be amazing. Of course, there will always be days, weeks or even months where there are downs. But as long as you know, that there will be ups again, that’s fine. And actually these chapters of your life make you appreciate the ups even more!

my birthday

There’s a light that never goes out

Because I burn for my life. This flame inside of me, that always keeps me going!

Now for this year I also made myself a present. I’m traveling with Daniel to London for a week, where I finally will visit IMATS, a trade show for makeup artistry. Basically I make one of the dreams come true and just live. Because you don’t know how much time you have on this earth, so let’s live every moment and not think to much about all the things coming next (giving my future self some advice here)!

That’s just some of my thoughts and this might not be a cohesive post, but sometimes I just need to let go of some thoughts and bare with me, because it’s my birthday today! So let’s have fun b*tches and make your life the best it can be!

my birthday

Have a happy day!


Photos: Carolina Auer Photography | flowersgrowingwild

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